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A letter I would write to you
Recently, I have liked you more. I’m not sure what causes it. You aren’t even so attractive, we talk about how you would be great if we chopped of your head. But I guess what draws me to you this time is my knowing you. You, you’re different from others I’ve liked. It’s always been people I don’t know well, a hallway thing that reallt wrecked my heart. Or so I thought.
So it would seem, knowning someone so well and not being able to have him is the real heartache. You are always next to me, always there, and if I could just reach out at you and hug you close to me, I would be happier. But even if I believed in being just your friend, I could never do that without the unwrittten consent of your love.
I dream, I watch, and I hope so much for you.
I hate, I ignore, and I don’t want you.
I apologize, I laugh it off, and at the end of the day…
I’d rather be with you.
Not at all.
So I’ve realised I’ve been far to ambiguous and serious lately. But it’s thanksgiving! I’m so happy and sprightly today. So enough ambiguity today. I’ll actually write about what I did!
Anuj Anna came yeserday, but we actually did stuff today. Well, for the most part, he’s been hanging with Sameer, playing Halo all the time, but I think Sameer is happy to have someone who will play video games with him. The X-Box makes me dizzy. Those graphics are way too intense for my head. So, as they hang out together, I did the SAT for a fun 4 hours, only to get a stupid 1960. Why am I so stupid on multiple choice? Today’s test was especially bad, though. And I only have a week to raise my score. Yuck. I hate moooving fooorwaaard.
But then after the SAT we went to watch Madagascar 2. It was cute, it was funnny. I love how the hippos are like black people in our soceity. Kinda works. I love hippos. But I didn’t like how the hippo and the giraffe got together. I hate how I’m against that interraical thing yet…Oh, I’m just the biggest hypocrite. Anyway, during teh movie, I ate half teh this big tub of popcorn. It was all unintentional and I now feel gross. My stomach feels like a big pile of buttery goo. Ech. We still have to eat dinner. My mother is mad at me for eating so much. I think I’ll not eat dinner. It’s not like we eat turkey anyway. It’s all Indian food. And Indian THXGIVIN. Although, the only American things we have are a pumpkin pie and a free lasagna from Acme. (bahahaha!)
Tomorrow is baksetball try-outs, first day.
And all I can really say is that I am scared.
Just a note to self – The catchiest dirty song is for sure is
‘The Bad Touch” by The Bloodhound Gang.
Don’t listen to it.
Don’t they seem to have all the freedom in the world?
No matter what tabloids, newspaper, and the TV says about them, they can wander around with out fear. But I bet they weren’t always fearless.
No one is born fearless.
Or maybe they do pop in to the world with brave hearts and happy minds, although contradictory to the incessant screaming. But it’s necessary, the screaming is necessary to live.
The celebrities must close their doors and scream, just like their brave baby lungs did when they started life.
I want to be a celebrity, with the paparazzi, the make-up and hair, the beautiful house and wardrobe, the fans chasing after you everyday, the solace of a home away from the world, and everyone talking about me every second of the day.
But even a celebrity has to be good at something to be where he or she is in the first place.
There is no way out of working hard. Gah.
sad relieved listing
confused thinking too much listening
lost paris shining
angry nervous esperanzas
wants you refreshed eating at my head
can’t have it talking to you no time
destroyed dancing you’re so fake
betrayed love me i wish i were you
unhappy why i wish i were with you.
I’m basically walking away, leaving you behind, but you aren’t feeling anything.
I’m sure I feel like this today, but tomorrow, we will be best friends again.
—–
Basically…
You do a lot of hard work, and finally, when gets right to it, one little thing could screw you up.
Your parents spend all this time taking care of you, but one day you decide to do drugs. BANG.
You spend all night writing an essay, but when you finally get to class it’s not to be found and one day late leaves you with a zero. BANG.
The earth was alive for many years, sustaining liife, and taking care of its inhabitants. Then, we decide to drill for oil, pollute the air, and kill it’s atmosphere, all in one shot. BANG.
You love someone forever, and you think nothing could ever change that, but one day, you find out the feeling wasn’t ever mutual. BANG.
Eating at a fancy restaurant where there couldn’t possibly any flies, you get served some amazing soup that costs 30 dollars, only to watch as a lonely fly happens to die and fall right in your bowl. PLOP.
Bad luck is so inconsequential. Or is it really bad luck?
Maybe we live to fail. That’s so weird. Why would we live to fail? Are we doing too much in life? Should we just be sitting around and not trying? Perhaps things would then turn out better.
But really, failure just makes life a bit interesting.
*****
my song: Big Bang – Haru Haru
Ah, Summer…
WHY DO YOU MAKE ME SO FAT?
Of course, I was always kinda chubby, but not like this! I HAVE GOT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT. I noticed this a few weeks into summer break. SO I’ve done some research, and there are several ways I can shed some pounds…
1.Exercise: Well, DUH. This one’s the obvious one. But I play basketball, but I walk to the trash can! Not enough. My uncle believes that concentration is everything, so when you exercise to lose weight, you will probably look better in less time. And the best part is, you can still eat food! I personally love food. I can’t really pull off a diet…Believe me I’ve tried. Anyway, the problem is time constraints…right? WRONG! Everyone has free time, they just don’t know it. Find that time of they day where you can fit in a half hour walk or jog. You’ll lose weight and be really healthy, too!
2. Pranayama:Here comes my bit of spiritual wisdom, also brought to me by my uncle and aunt. But it’s not only them that say it. My cousin, who is very pretty, but looked just a little too plump, she did it for three months, and she’s already the happiest person on earth! Well, what did she do? Pranayama is art of breathing. Visit this site- it’s the Youtube account of YogaYak, an online yoga studio! I don’t think these videos are complete, but look at her breathing exercise ones, and you can get the general idea of what you can do. Things like pranayama and yoga also calm your brain down, so you’ll end up being a calm and happy person. :]
3. “Diets”: My least favorite method. Yeah. Well, I think the best way to diet without being unnatural is to eat small quantities, and slowly get your body used to eating less, because that will happen. On the same token, if you’ve gotten thinner and all that, and you begin eating a lot again, you’ll go right back to square one. Also, watch the types of food you eat. Fruits everyday do wonders for your skin – you can see the difference in one day! They also taste delicious. And eat your veggies! That whole idea of vegetables is LEGIT. Completely true. Eating healtier will result in a healthier you. That’s the idea. So go to your nearest Whole Foods and stock up! Haha.
The whole deal with anything is that you need cocentartion of resolv. Otherwise, it can go up in flames, for sure.
Well, as my sophomore year of high school comes to an end, I have to go through on obstacle before I can reach my vacations.
Final exams.
It’s so mean, having to take these tests before a great summer. We can’t just slip easily into a world of relaxation. However, I see why. We students would have nothing to work for, to achieve, and to aim. School teaches you a lot more than knowledge about the material. It refines your personality, therefore, I actually love school, it allows me to explore the possibilities of my personality. It’s like pick-and-choose who you are, except through destiny.
That doesn’t make so much sense.
Anyway, for one of my finals, I have to do a project about one of the issues in America, and my friend and I have chosen the death penalty. Not that I really care- the class I’m in is a joke, and I’m 95% sure I will get an “A” no matter what. But, really, it is an interesting subject. The death penalty seems so harsh – “cruel and unusual punishment.” There are so many ways one can oppose the use of this penalty. That’s why my assignment is hard- I have to be FOR the death penalty.
On this site, I found reasonsfor why the DP would be refuted. One reason would be that no matter how many are killed, our crime rate here in the US continues to increase. I find this are hard point to create a rebuttal for. It’s totally true. Nobody is afraid of dying. There are all these martyrs out there that don’t care, and then there are the adventurous, taking whatever their life throws at them. (Although, calling people martyrs and adventurous makes them sound better than they might actually be!) And then another is that we may kill someone that is in fact innocent. I can agree, that an innocent person could be killed – I had read an article in the Reader’s Digest not too long ago about a man who was innocent, yet falsely accused and jailed for 30 years until his innocence had been proved. Supposing he had died? That would have been a loss for the family – and, oh- the government would have to a few others to their list of people who might form an anarchist movement.
Yet, is it better that we don’t kill people at all? Some deserve it. Ethically, there are so many people who should never get another chance to live, because of their crimes. If you kill, you get killed right? This is where the death penalty crosses the path of one of the greatest men to walk the earth – Mahatma Gandhi. What did he say, now? “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” I do wonder what Gandhi would have said if faced witha final project like this. He used non-violence and fought off a powerful nation with words. If someone killed his a loved one, I suppose he wouldn’t have rushed to Indian government and pleaded with them to hunt out the murderer and kill he or she, too.
Ahh. I picked a hard prompt. Here I am, making a good arguement for the other side!
Now, I just have to find a way to say the opposite. Pah.
WIsh me luck.
Well, my bad for never updating this. I figured it’s good to keep a journal, you know, something good might come out of it one day!
SO in these past few months, I’ve decided on one thing. My the end of my senior year, I will have written a book. My goal.
Today I wrote half the summary. I think I really like the story, because I know where it is going. Maybe I’ll start to write it here first. Make a new page, and title it the name of my book. Yeah. That might happen. I was thinking about a fantasy novel, but you know, writing one of those is so plot level, and I think I’ve changed for the better. Plus, if I were to try and write one, I know for a fact that my imagination is the widest sea in the world, and I would edit it and edit it and never be happy. Of course, that is the case with all aspects of my life. Well, this knowledge comes from fact, and I hold No bearings against either fact or fiction, reality or fantasy.
My friend said she’s already sent one out to a publisher, a copy of a story she’s written. This kind of thing propels me more. It’s like competition. Except I would feel bad if I one. But then again, I’ve never read anything she’s written. And I should know better than anyone that when a person writes, it is always much different than when they speak. I feel bad to feel excited in the wrong way. But It happens. I will try and take ans more of a challnge than a threat.
Perhaps an open opposition to my mental authority as the best writer I know.
And of course, completely called for, considering that figure in solely in my head.
That was a horrible day. I didn’t turn in an essay, a poem, and an already late homework assignment. I haven’t really been able to get it together. I just want a break from homework so I can take a minute and breathe.
Should the leap day signify something? An extra day every four years…at the end of the month of love. I don’t know. I don’t quite feel like analyzing today. And that isn’t good when I’ve got to write an analytical essay on a book which every sentence has some sort of symbolism.
I walk around with the most vacant expression…Where is my head?
My birthday is soon. I’m making invitations…I thought just going to Cancun would be nice. But my mom is pushing a party, too. SO here I am. Making invitations.
It is dull, and I’m not making it any better.
